Bubble of Bubbles

Vanity of vanities, says the Preacher,
    vanity of vanities! All is vanity.

Ecclesiastes begins with these famous words about vanity. Most English Bibles translate the Hebrew word “hebel” as vanity. Vanity is also used as the translation of several other Hebrew words into English, so can another English word be substituted which fits the intended meaning as well as vanity? Hebel can be read as a breath, vapour,or emptiness. Consider what is left when a bubble bursts. A bubble is emphemeral and filled with emptiness, yet amuses and distracts till it’s inevitable end. All vanity shall vanish. So albeit that traduttore, traditore, a bubble is an ideal vessel for the concept of vanity.

Bubble of bubbles, says the Preacher,
    bubble of bubbles! All is bubbles.

Does it work if we reverse the process? Using the word bubble in phrases in place of the word vanity demonstrates a good linguistic fit. The South Sea Bubble, a house price bubble, or any other market bubble, is a pursuit of vanity. The Westminster Bubble; well, it is appropriate that today Ecclesiastes is the first reading in church as we discover the likely recipients of David Cameron’s resignation honours.

The author of Ecclesiastes seems dismissive of the value of striving and achieving. Hebel, bubble, for all your toil and trouble? Nothing but froth. Is this an old man who has become disheartened? Are all achievements small and fleeting? Is the author’s problem one of too much perspective, that he sees the scale of our achievements minuscule compared to God?

Thomas Aquinas lived a life steeped in thought, knowledge and wisdom. His output was enormous. Requiring four scribes to keep up with his dictation. Probably the most  learned man in Christendom in his day. He had written in detail of the meaning of the Eucharist. Towards the end of his life, Domenic of Caserta observed Aquinas alone, praying before an icon of Christ crucified. Dominic heard a voice from the icon saying, “You have written well of me, Thomas. What reward would you have for your labour?” Aquinas replied, “Nothing but you Lord.” After that, whatever it was he then experienced, Aquinas considered all he had written to be no better than straw.

The best we can do. The best that even the best of us like Aquinas can do, is, with that perspective, less than the clumsy daubings of a toddlers painting. And yet, if it is intended well, offered with a good heart, it is received gladly by our loving Father. Nothing can compare to God, but God changes everything.

I was going to write this piece earlier today. I was stopped as soon as I began. My daughter who had no idea what I was thinking about, asked me to come into the garden and play with her and blow bubbles.

Limericks

The beauty of using a spade
Is a pleasure that never will fade
I dig up my garden
But I do beg your pardon
Poor worm that I’ve sliced with the blade.

 

A smooth talking swine from upstate
Convinced he could evade his fate
Spoke with great charm
To the man on the farm
But he still ended up on the plate.

 

The triumph of Henry the King
Began when he started to sing
His foes plugged their ears
And fled home in tears
From his voice did his victory spring.

 

A baldy man his name was Higgs
Tried a quack cure, a diet of figs
It made him quite pale
And was destined to fail
For the one cure for baldness is wigs.

 

Oh when will I discover peace?
Tomorrow or mabye next week?
I stand and I strain
But always in vain
With this prostate I can’t take a leak.

 

The mighty King Numenides
Said “Death to all my enemies
Who brought me stale Gouda
With a strong pungent odour
And I’m just not a big fan of cheese.”

 

The artist he showed of his work
But then he felt oh such a berk
“It’s been hung upside down.
I feel such a clown.”
But he still took the cash with a smirk.

 

A man with the strength of a bull
Left the china shop ’cause it was dull
But he couldn’t get out
’til someone did shout
“Can’t you see that that door is marked pull.”

 

There once was a lady from Spain
Who had breath like a foul stagnant drain
She breathed on a wood
And then where it stood
Was a barren and featureless plain.

 

Lady Macbeth had a daughter
And she sent her to fetch her some water
The reason is clear
But only a tear
Can wash clean the stain of the slaughter.

 

A dark King was laid in a barrow
With treasure laid in the way narrow
But the rain washed away
The soil in a day
And his bones were picked clean by a sparrow.

 

At a quiet and intimate venue
My girlfriend said to me “When you
Are eating with me
Don’t other girls see
And please keep your eyes on the menu.”

CJ, Reggie and Milo

At a social media company in a nearby alternate reality. The boss, known to all as”CJ” is chairing an early morning crisis meeting in his private office known as The Nest.
CJ: OK team. Are we all here? I didn’t get where I am today by having meetings starting late.
Reggie: (Arriving late) Sorry I’m late CJ. Slow puncture on Nob Hill.
CJ: Sit down everybody.
Yes Men: Great. Super.
Everyone sits at the same time. Air is pushed out of seat cushions causing their chairs to emit a cascade of beautiful bird song. Reggie’s chair appears to be faulty and makes a Bronx cheer.
CJ: Thank you all for coming in early. We have had a lot of complaints about hate speech. It is clear that we need to find a way to make our platform a safe space for the vulnerable.
Yes men: Great. Super.
Reggie: Right Ho CJ. Who are these poor fragile flowers who need our protection? Are they ethnic minorities, the disabled, single mothers?
CJ: Many vulnerable individuals have contacted me recently. Sony and Disney just this week.
Reggie: Pardon CJ? Sony and Disney?
CJ: Why yes Reggie. These poor vulnerable corporations have spent a fortune on our platform, promoting their products, and then some of our users start saying these products are rubbish.
Reggie: Is that not just because they are rubbish?
CJ: Well of course they are, but they don’t appreciate their potential customers being told they are. Honestly Reggie, the reason we headhunted you from Grot industries was your experience in selling absolute rubbish to the public.
Reggie: Right you are CJ, but I thought the core of your business model was free speech?
CJ: Of course it is. But free speech must not get in the way of paid for speech. I didn’t get where I am today by turning down money.
Reggie: In that case CJ there’s a few steps we need to take. Tech have gone through the statistics for me. Although independent voices on the platform are numerous, they are generally amorphous and unimportant if we exclude nodal posters. This handful of people have large numbers of followers and so have disproportionate influence.
CJ: Of course! We pay them off!
Yes men: Great. Super.
Reggie:  Sorry CJ. We’ve bought off the ones we could, but most of them seem to either enjoy trolling their enemies too much to stop, or actually believe in something. Sometimes both.
CJ: They believe in something! I always find it hard to believe such people exist. I didn’t get where I am today by believing in things. So what do we do about them? Ban them?
Reggie: Hopefully not necessary. We can make their presence less visible. Software ‘errors’ so not everyone sees what they post. Automated accounts who reiterate opposing viewpoints. But we may need to ban now and then. So we will need for it to look like we have standards.
CJ: Don’t worry about standards. Have you met Anita here?  She is a harassment and diversity expert, so she tells me. I’ve appointed her to a committee on free speech standards. Isn’t that right.
Anita: (Stridently) Yes CJ!
CJ: Did you tell me what the committee’s been named? (laughing) You haven’t chosen anything too Orwellian have you.
Anita: (mumbles answer)
Yes men: Great. Super.
Reggie: There is a risk however. If people are on our platform for free speech they may leave it if we censor too much.
CJ: Reggie, you really shouldn’t worry. Advertisers don’t care what free thinkers think anyway. They will work out for themselves what they need. The most important market is the one that passively accepts being marketed to. Dumb people is where the smart money is.
Reggie: In that case CJ we have a few more ideas.
Yes men: Great. Super.
Reggie: The Alt-right we plan to ignore and sideline. The left just need a bit of a nudge using the right people. They generally follow the herd. For this reason they are in fact the audience which will be most attractive to our advertisers. We can program automated bot accounts to like the things we are promoting. These bots are surprisingly sophisticated. We are ready in fact to replace your yes men with a software simulation.
Yes men: (Hesitantly) Great. Super.
Reggie: We can’t replace all accounts with simulations unfortunately. We have tried and failed to produce a convincing SJW bot. It’s extremely difficult to program a computer with that degree of irrationality. Although those bots have got more accurate since we added Voxday’s three laws to the algorithms.
(There is a sharp screech. The sound of nails being dragged down the surface of the conference table.)
CJ: Yes Anita? Is there a problem.
Anita: (Who has been triggered by the utterance of The Name That Shall Not Be Named speaks through gritted teeth.) CJ. I think we do need to set an example.
(She slides copies of a user file to all on the table. A photo of silver haired young man is clipped to the front. )
Reggie: Ah yes. We have been watching him. We discussed him at a previous meeting. I thought we agreed that as a gay man he had additional free speech rights?
Anita: Not necessarily. Have a look at this.
She brings a series of graphs up on the conference room display monitor.
Anita: This is the latest data from the SJW100. That’s a summation of the opinions of the current 100 most influential social justice warriors. It’s a bit like the FTSE100 or the Dow Jones is for shares, but it’s far more volatile. Here is the chart showing us the current victimhood league table. As you can see, taking account of him being gay, but being male, right wing and not portraying himself as a victim, he would currently be outranked by a black woman. So that’s where we hit him. Call him racist.
Reggie: Is that dog going to hunt? I hear he is quite fond of black men. Plus, how come I’ve never heard of this data “the SJW100.” Did you just make this up.
Anita: Sexism! Harassment! Don’t you believe a woman can do…
CJ: That’s enough Anita. That won’t work here, and I need Reggie more than you. I didn’t get where I am today by letting people throw their weight around in my boardroom. That is my prerogative.
Anita: Sorry CJ.
CJ: Anita, I can see you carry a grudge against this man. (tapping the photograph on the desk) And I am not prepared to let you use my firm for your grudges.
Anita: Sorry CJ.
CJ: However, in this case we are going to go ahead and ban him. This is why I called you here today. Our colleagues in Sony have been on the phone complaining constantly to me about this man. We have been promoting one of their new products heavily recently, for which we have received a considerable sum and this, (Tap tap tap), person, has posted an atrocious review. Sony have made it clear, that if we cannot police our social network properly for the good of the advertisers, there are other social networks that will.
Yes Men: Great. Super.
CJ: Reggie, when can we replace those two with bots?
Reggie: This afternoon CJ.
CJ: Great. Super. Now here’s the plan. One of the ladies who worked on Sony’s latest piece of crap is going to start complaining about her treatment. As per Anita’s recommendation she is a person of colour. Hopefully if she is vocal enough, this will stir up more trouble. If it doesn’t get bad enough, it’s your job Reggie to set some attack bots to insult her.
Reggie: Yes CJ.
CJ: Then she will quit the network, but not before contacting me for help. I will white knight it in and take compassionate charge of the situation. We will ban this character here as a warning to all and demonstrate how virtuous and anti-racist we are. Our advertisers will recognise that our priorities are correct and continue to spend their money here. That’s the plan. It’s the job of the team here to make sure it works. Any questions?
Anita is playing with the photograph on the desk. Prodding it with a manicured nail. She is smiling. It is not a smile which makes her attractive. Reggie shudders inwardly as he looks at her, but reminds himself of the mortgage he has to pay. At least his life can’t get any worse he tells himself. He turns back to CJ.
Reggie: Oh yes. Questions CJ. Since I came to work here, I’ve wondered what the reason is for all the bird themed paraphenalia here. What’s it all about?
CJ: Well Reggie, funny you should ask. I’ve always wanted to be a super villain. Specifically the Penguin. Stay behind after the meeting and I’ll show you my costume.

Frankenstein Rides Again, But Don’t Panic!

The previous post, was originally posted in 1999 on H2G2. It’s surprising to me that a post on a new technology should not have dated at all.

But what is H2G2 I hear you ask? Only the website Wikipedia could have been.

In 1999, Douglas Adams decided to set up a real world, Earth edition of the fictional HitchHikers Guide to the Galaxy. The foundation of the Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy was a real book “The Hitchhikers Guide to Europe” by Ken Welsh. Interspersed with Welsh’s text were sections of comments and advice from other hitch hikers. As the book was reissued over several editions, the advice sections could turn into a slow motion car crash. One edition would point out the similarities in coin sizes to different value coins in neighbouring countries. It would be suggested that vending or change machines could be fooled. The next edition would feature a follow up comment from some poor bloke who had followed the advice, alarms went off, he got arrested and then deported. Ken Welsh of course had a disclaimer along the lines of all advice is for information only and not actually advice. Nevertheless, these sections of the book constituted a slow motion collaberative information archive.

In the fictional Hitchhikers guide to the Galaxy, the Guide had been set up in a similar way. Innumerable researchers were thumbing their way around the galaxy and sending back lovingly compiled reports on the planets they visited to the guide’s offices, where overpaid desk jockey editors would brutally take a hatchet to their precious prose. Harking back to Ken Welsh’s book, Douglas Adams described his guide as having  “many omissions and contains much that is apocryphal, or at least wildly inaccurate.” That’s the risk of any collaborative system, the question is how much editorial control do you need.

For the real world version of the fictional guide, based on a real world book; Douglas Adams, with the company The Digital Village invited people to sign on as researchers and create their own articles on whatever interested them. These articles were then submitted to an editorial team who would assess them for quality. If they were approved, the editor would often rewrite the article, presumably to better fit the house style.

The H2G2 site was growing progressively but had still not gone far beyond a niche hobby site when, along with many other dot-com companies, it ran into money trouble. It was sold on but it is still carrying on today. I suspect there were two main reasons it never became the titan that wikipedia is today. First, it was not open enough. The editorial oversight slowed down it’s growth. Second, Adams’ fame as a humour writer meant many people did not take it seriously.

Here is the final form of my Frankenstein Foods post on H2G2 after it had been improved by the editors. Improved being meant in the same sense that Peter Jackson improved the Hobbit.

 

Returning to the subject of genetic modification, if you want to learn more about risk and how it applies to GMO, follow Nassim Nicholas Taleb.

Frankenstein Foods

Correct labelling of foods is necessary to enable true consumer choice. However at present the media are representing genetically modified foods as “Frankenstein foods”. This is unfair. Frankenstein’s monster was not a GM product. He was (generically speaking) a Zombie. Fruit trees are the real Frankenstein foods, being made by the grafting together of the severed limbs of different plants.

So we still need a suitable name for GM foods. Dalek foods is more suitable, especially for tinned GM food or meals on wheels. This though is a bit too geeky to catch on. I suggest the branding of them as “Family Foods”, thus indicating both that you are eating a protein derived from creatures you may have been related to, and also that a large international organisation is with these foods making an offer we can’t refuse.

New Theory on the Extinction of the Dinosaurs.

The extinction of the dinosaurs occurred at the end of the Cretaceous period. The chief trigger for this was an asteroid impact, confirmed by both the structural evidence of a major impact in Mexico, plus the presence of iridium (from the asteroid) at the geological boundary worldwide.

It is straightforward to understand how all animals came close to extinction in the climatic chaos following  this event, the difficulty is explaining why birds and crocodiles survived, but dinosaurs did not.

I suggest a hypothesis. There was a structural difference between dinosaur eggs and those of simple lizards. Their shells were more porous and so the scent of their contents was more easily tracked by the acute sense of smell of the developing mammals. Birds were able to place their eggs out of reach of these oviparous scavengers, but the massive dinosaurs were not. Nest after nest was tracked and devoured simply because the mammals succeeding in sniffing them out.

Poor dinosaurs, they’re not around any more because their eggs stinked.

Boris is Foreign Secretary.

Chinese politicians and generals will all have studied the seminal book on warcraft and politics The Art of War, by Sun Tzu. My copy has notes by a former Red Army General.

Consider this quote.

“Appear weak when you are strong, and strong when you are weak.”

Now consider this picture.

boris

The Chinese are now absolutely terrified of how strong we are.

Who is Theresa May?

It should be easy to work this out. after all, she’s a politician with a extended period in charge of the Home Office. Let’s do a quick image search.

MayDonna

Well there we go. Clearly a politician who means business. Look at that purposeful stride. Flanked by elite police officers she is on her way to deal with crime personally. Or maybe the Home Office is planning a low budget Madonna tribute act.  Either way, this should play well with the law and order vote.

And here we are again. Who put this sign up?

Home-Office

Now here’s a politician who is serious about immigration. So serious, she is prepared to spend a small fortune on vans threatening deportation, and prepared to take the flak that comes with it. I think a pattern is emerging. Here is a new Iron Lady.

May-Braavos

But hang on. Lets not get too carried away with image.  Remember this guy? Coincidentally the last person who became Prime Minister without the hassle of a general election.

Gordon_Brown_portrait

In appearance and manner and voice, he fitted the stereotype of a dour Scot, careful with money. He explained, as shadow chancellor, the economic rules he would apply in government. He pledged not to exceed Tory spending plans. The country could be forgiven for thinking they had Private Frazer from Dad’s Army lined up for chancellor. Image, first impressions and confirmation bias carried him along for a while but eventually people noticed his spending plans were more like this.

fire hose.

So what is the reality of Theresa May like. Well she talked tough on immigration, but presided over an increase in net immigration from 244,00 to 333,000. So Theresa was to immigration control as Gordon was to fiscal prudence.

So should you vote for May if you like the tough image, or vote for her if you like a laissez-faire approach to immigration? Some people accuse politicians of not knowing what the public want. Theresa knows exactly what we want. She should do. She’s been reading our emails as Home Secretary for years. Lets look at her opinions in more detail. I asked Theresa May to give me her stance on an important topic of the day.

May-stance

Hmm. I’m still not sure what that was about.

Let’s try again. A referendum was just held on EU membership. She was pro remain at the beginning of the campaign, so there must be lots of impassioned speeches from her online.

Tumbleweed_rolling

Perhaps now we get a clearer picture. Someone who will see an event with the potential to change the UK forever, and her approach is not argue loud and clear for what she believes, but to lay low, make no enemies, network.

This suggests an answer now. Here is a woman to whom the only important question is how do I become Prime Minister? We’ve met someone like that before.  In other words, who is Theresa May? She’s David Cameron in a dress.

 

The EU is the Village. Be seeing you!

In The Village, every few months there is a new face in the role of Number Two. The current Number Two (Also known as EU co-president) is talking to one of his charges, Number Six.

Number Six: Where am I?

Number Two: In the Village.

Number Six: What do you want?

Number Two: Information.

Number Six: Whose side are you on?

Number Two: That would be telling.

Number Six: Who are you?

Number Two: The new Number Two.

Number Six: Who is Number One?

Number Two: You are Number Six.

Number Six: I am not a number! I am a sovereign nation!

Number Two: [laughs]

Number Two takes Number six on a tour of the village. An army of workers is transporting the contents of one parliament building to another parliament building for one week. This happens every month. Number Two appears not to notice the chaos and smiles approvingly at all that goes on.

Number Two: Quite a beautiful place, really, isn’t it? Almost like a world on its own.

Number Six: I shall miss it when I’m gone.

Number Two: Oh, it will grow on you.  Any complaints?

Number Six: Yes. I’d like to mind my own business.

Number Two: So would we. Do you fancy a chat?

Number Six: I have a choice?

Number Two: Of course. You can do as you want.

Number Six: As long as it’s what you want.

Number Two: As long as it is what the majority wants. We’re democratic. In some ways.

Number Six: And how does your democracy work?

Number Two: If it’s a Yes, we will say ‘on we go’, and if it’s a No we will say ‘we continue’.  But that is not how we like to do things.  

We decide on something, leave it lying around, and wait and see what happens. If no one kicks up a fuss, because most people don’t understand what has been decided, we continue step by step until there is no turning back.

There can be no democratic choice against the The Village’s treaties. I have never understood why public opinion about The Village’s ideas should be taken into account.

Number Six:  Is that all right, if I call you a ‘piece of work’?

Number Two:  I’m ready to be insulted as being insufficiently democratic, but I want to be serious … I am for secret, dark debates.

Number Six: Debates? So you do not all agree.

Number Two: The village-group decisions are always taken unanimously.  Society is a place where people exist together.

Number Six: Yes, sir. (mocking)

Number Two: That is civilization.

Number Six: Yes, sir.

Number Two: The lone wolf belongs in the wilderness.

Number Six: Yes, sir.

Number Two: You must not grow up to be a lone wolf.

Number Six: No, sir.

Number Two: You must conform.

Number Six: Yes, sir.

Number Two: It is my sworn duty to see that you do conform.

Number Six:  Then you have a problem. I also have a problem. I’m not sure which side runs this Village.

Number Two:  It doesn’t matter which “side” runs the Village.

Number Six: It’s run by one side or the other.

Number Two: Oh certainly, but both sides are becoming identical. What in fact has been created is an international community–perfect blueprint for world order. When the sides facing each other suddenly realize that they’re looking into a mirror, they will see that “this” is the pattern for the future.

Number Six: The whole Earth as the Village?

Number Two: That is my hope. What’s yours?

Number Six: In that case I’d like to be the first man on the moon.

Tiring now of Number Six’s inability to accept the inevitable Number Two takes them back to the Village cafe for some light refreshments. Number Six asks who is paying. Number Two takes Six’s wallet from his own pocket.

Number Two: You are of course.  Do you still think you can escape, Number Six?

Number Six: I’m going to do better than that.

Number Two: Oh?

Number Six: Going to escape, come back.

Number Two: Come back?

Number Six: Escape, come back, wipe this place off the face of the Earth, obliterate it and you with it.

 

 

Tall Tales and Tough Choices. Part Two

Part two. Boris Johnson.

Boris was on the victorious side in the recent referendum, but when someone wins, it’s fun to consider, is that actually what they wanted? You can play the game, hoping to lose, because that is what serves your interests best. This was the plot of the Producers. Lose, and the bigger you lose, the more you win. But if you win, you lose everything.

But why would Boris want to lose?  Well lets pretend for a moment that Boris isn’t some loveable oaf. Lets pretend he is a very intelligent and scheming politician who considers everything through the lens of what is best for him? Apart from the intelligent part, such politicians are very common after all.

Prior to Boris joining the Brexit campaign, all the smart money was on Remain. So why would a self serving politician join the losing side? Consider how things would have played out from there.  Boris joins team Brexit. Makes a decent impact. Gets a lot of TV exposure for himself, helping to build the Boris Brand in the long run. Throughout the campaign, he tones down the buffoon image, pivots into intelligent eccentric. Despite his best efforts however, Remain are victorious just as the polls had warned him before he threw his bicycle helmet into the ring. Boris loses with great magnanimity.

David Cameron, having backed the winning side stays on as Prime Minister. The leadership contest for the Tory party now happens 1 year before the next general election. Boris comes forward as a unifying character for the party. The pro Brexit MPs give him their support as one of their own, but so do many who had backed Remain. It turns out Boris is a very likeable loser. Here he is with his speech accepting Tory party leadership.

(Backstage, last minute preparations. He combs his hair. Dishevels it. half combs it again. crumples his tie. Then he straightens it but leaves it falling off centre. He shuffles his shoulders in his suit. For a moment there, it almost looked like it fitted him properly. In all he spends half an hour making it look like he has paid no attention to his appearance. His speech similarly, he has been writing for weeks, but he will read it as if he is making it up as he goes along. At times he will pretend to confuse himself, varying his speed, putting in distracted pauses. All part of the performance art character that is the public persona of Boris Johnson. For today he plans to be jovial and non threatening in introduction, but bring some steel towards the end)

“My dear friends and colleagues. Thank you for doing me the great honour of choosing me to be the leader of our great party.

The past two years have seen major change. Little did I suspect when our erstwhile leader Mr Cameron called a referendum for the British public, to decide on our future with Europe, events would unfold leading to me standing before you now.

It was the best of times! It was the worst of times! It was a tale of two demoses. Demoses? (Ruffle own hair in thought.) Yes that must right. I apologise if I am getting my Greek plurals confused in the heat of the moment.(Pause.)

But  I digress! I digress! Yes! The first demos!

In the referendum, we consulted the demos of the British Public, and the public gave us our answer. We are to stay within the EU. Now, although I campaigned for us to leave, I must  accept that the people have spoken, the case is closed. The peoples will shall be upheld!

I shall not, like some latter day Cato the Elder be declaring Brussels Delenda Est at the end of each and every speech. To those of you who did not benefit from a classical education, Cato the Elder was of course the father of Inspector Clouseau’s man servant.

I will however fight the UK’s corner from within the EU. You can rely on me to battle Brussels barmy bans on bendy bananas, and any other alliterative awfulness.

The second demos I had to face was you my dear colleagues. It has been said that the Tory parliamentary party is the most sophisticated  electorate there is. Well, as you selected yours truly, I am forced to agree. I look fondly back on those little confidential chats I had with so many of you. How we laughed as some of you made little jokes at my expense over the referendum result. I am not however a sore loser.

I look forward to some more private chats with you as we discuss cabinet posts. Oh! How we shall laugh once again!”

His speech continues. The rest of it primarily aimed at the general public as the general election approaches rather than the people right in front of him. Once again, good loser Boris, who will still fight the UK’s corner is seen as a unifying figure.  He is elected Prime Minister with a resounding majority.

But.

Boris didn’t lose the referendum. He won it.

Boris-“Bug**r. Never mind. Plan B. Let the wounds heal. I’ve still got a good chance of party leadership in a couple of years.”

Cameron resigns. Election now.

Boris-“Bugg**r. You b*stard Dave. Quitting your job just to spike my progress. Never mind, I might still manage it. I still have allies I can rely on.”

Gove is running against you.

Boris-“Bugg*r! Bugg*r, bugg*r, bugg*ry bugg*r! Hmm. Tactical withdrawl I think. But I will return!”