I’ve got a Little Black Book

Apparently Jean Claude Juncker has a little black book on his enemies, so in his honour, to the tune of Nobody Home by Pink Floyd;

 

I’ve got a little black book with my foes in
My favourite restaurant they serve hoisin
I’ve got a fish spa to dip all of my dainty toes in

I like to quote from Pascal’s “Pensées”
While I eat out on expensées
Entertaining the worlds dictators and excellencies.

I’m in the commission
And I’ve got a mission
I’ve amazing powers without election
And that is how I know
When you want to be through
With me and the EU
You’ll never take your powers home

I’ve got the obligatory elite scorn
And as inevitable as the morn
In the book of my enemies I hold all of the dirt
I’ve got alcohol damage to my liver
Twenty eight countries on a chain
I’ve a conference table to prop up my mortal remains

I’ve got wild staring eyes
And you have a strong urge to fly
But you have no where to fly to
Ooh babe. You can pick up the phone
You’ll never take your powers home

The EU is the Village. Be seeing you!

In The Village, every few months there is a new face in the role of Number Two. The current Number Two (Also known as EU co-president) is talking to one of his charges, Number Six.

Number Six: Where am I?

Number Two: In the Village.

Number Six: What do you want?

Number Two: Information.

Number Six: Whose side are you on?

Number Two: That would be telling.

Number Six: Who are you?

Number Two: The new Number Two.

Number Six: Who is Number One?

Number Two: You are Number Six.

Number Six: I am not a number! I am a sovereign nation!

Number Two: [laughs]

Number Two takes Number six on a tour of the village. An army of workers is transporting the contents of one parliament building to another parliament building for one week. This happens every month. Number Two appears not to notice the chaos and smiles approvingly at all that goes on.

Number Two: Quite a beautiful place, really, isn’t it? Almost like a world on its own.

Number Six: I shall miss it when I’m gone.

Number Two: Oh, it will grow on you.  Any complaints?

Number Six: Yes. I’d like to mind my own business.

Number Two: So would we. Do you fancy a chat?

Number Six: I have a choice?

Number Two: Of course. You can do as you want.

Number Six: As long as it’s what you want.

Number Two: As long as it is what the majority wants. We’re democratic. In some ways.

Number Six: And how does your democracy work?

Number Two: If it’s a Yes, we will say ‘on we go’, and if it’s a No we will say ‘we continue’.  But that is not how we like to do things.  

We decide on something, leave it lying around, and wait and see what happens. If no one kicks up a fuss, because most people don’t understand what has been decided, we continue step by step until there is no turning back.

There can be no democratic choice against the The Village’s treaties. I have never understood why public opinion about The Village’s ideas should be taken into account.

Number Six:  Is that all right, if I call you a ‘piece of work’?

Number Two:  I’m ready to be insulted as being insufficiently democratic, but I want to be serious … I am for secret, dark debates.

Number Six: Debates? So you do not all agree.

Number Two: The village-group decisions are always taken unanimously.  Society is a place where people exist together.

Number Six: Yes, sir. (mocking)

Number Two: That is civilization.

Number Six: Yes, sir.

Number Two: The lone wolf belongs in the wilderness.

Number Six: Yes, sir.

Number Two: You must not grow up to be a lone wolf.

Number Six: No, sir.

Number Two: You must conform.

Number Six: Yes, sir.

Number Two: It is my sworn duty to see that you do conform.

Number Six:  Then you have a problem. I also have a problem. I’m not sure which side runs this Village.

Number Two:  It doesn’t matter which “side” runs the Village.

Number Six: It’s run by one side or the other.

Number Two: Oh certainly, but both sides are becoming identical. What in fact has been created is an international community–perfect blueprint for world order. When the sides facing each other suddenly realize that they’re looking into a mirror, they will see that “this” is the pattern for the future.

Number Six: The whole Earth as the Village?

Number Two: That is my hope. What’s yours?

Number Six: In that case I’d like to be the first man on the moon.

Tiring now of Number Six’s inability to accept the inevitable Number Two takes them back to the Village cafe for some light refreshments. Number Six asks who is paying. Number Two takes Six’s wallet from his own pocket.

Number Two: You are of course.  Do you still think you can escape, Number Six?

Number Six: I’m going to do better than that.

Number Two: Oh?

Number Six: Going to escape, come back.

Number Two: Come back?

Number Six: Escape, come back, wipe this place off the face of the Earth, obliterate it and you with it.